im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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