I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
