sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
