she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
