How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
