We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
