This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
