In the future we'll all be gay
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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