I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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