Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Operation Purity has been aborted
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Randomize
