This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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