I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
there is glitter all over my balls
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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