it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
