Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
