Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
