K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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