the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
