Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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