I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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