They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
my being single is dangerous.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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