I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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