I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She even gives head with a lisp.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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