I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
