His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
