He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
someone threw a dead crab at me
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
