Non-Jews are for practice
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
