doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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