Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
