He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
