i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
