i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
