You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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