Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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