Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
