sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
