I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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