I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
