who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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