He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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