I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
