I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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