why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
