Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
