Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
