This is not my ceiling
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
