I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
