If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
