just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
