Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
