Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
