i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
