hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
